heartbroken and confused.

A mail from one of our reader, F.

Dear Bibik,

i found your link somewhere and i really hope by emailing you my problems, it will somehow ease my mind.

it's been 24 days since my ex boyfriend and i broke up. we've been together for 1 year plus coming 2 year this august. let's just name him Y. we broke up cus i am lack of his attention as we have stop having late night calls and the usual meet ups. last time, we usually meet twice or thrice in a week but then after a certain incidents, we only met once in a week cus Y wanted to spend time with his friends. i am not that close to his friends, i just can't seem to interact with his friends. so the other time, he leave me a message telling for a separate ways so instead of begging him not to leave me, i said 'okay, we shall go separate ways..' and that point of time, i couldn't believe that i wasn't crying at all.

after the break up, we still do contact with each other through msn, message. then there was once we met. i cried, telling him that i think, that day will be our last meet up and i don't think we will be back together. at the same time, i am taking my O level this year and is afraid if i couldnt concentrate with my O's if there's relationship problems. so i told him to wait till i am done with my O's.

but during those times, i keep checking on his facebook and saw a him giving a girl comments and like sort of disturbing her which kind of make me jealous. i know, i am no one to him anymore just his history so i can't stop him from making friends with other girls. i was all sad and mad, i didn't want to entertain his chat and etc. so i told him that he have successfully make me jealous and that i do not want to continue contacting him cus the more i contact him, the more hurt i am. i tried to make myself busy by doing some revisions and meet my old friends.

when suddenly!! two guys wanted to date me. guy A, being so controlling. he keep forcing me to sms him and stop ignoring him and that i have to keep replying his sms. i hate being controlled. he likes to put blames on me like i only looked for him when i am sad. he said that i am using him when i am not. i want to treat him like a friend only not more than that. guy B, wants to date me but i am not ready to date anyone cus what if he suddenly have feelings for me and if i were to reject him, he will be hurt. i do not want to hurt anyone cus i know it sucks to be hurt.

right now, i felt so regret making the decision to stop contacting my ex boyfriend. i can't stop thinking of him. he is one in a million. he don't really control what i am doing. he is not irritating who likes to bug me or anything. Bibik, help me! what should i do now? i don't want to date anyone. i regret of making the decision to stop contacting my ex.

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Aunty Bibik - You know honey, SOME guys move on faster. And thinking that you didn't ask him to stay or try to make it work but instead just let it go, he's thinking u've given him the green light. Your problem seems similar to my best girl, and it took them 2 months to realise that they need each other.

When he is the one who initiate the break up, don't u think he doesn't want it to work out? Why didn't u guys have a good talk about whats been happening lately? When one on fire, one should be the water. You should ask him why he wants to break up. Unless of course u're not interested anymore then thats the reason why u didn't bother to stay.

I think you should move on and follow your guts. Don't be in a rush to find a replacement as it would hurt both parties. When making friends with the opposite sex, when u're realise he's abt to have feelings for u, quickly say u're not into r'ship. That shouldn't hurt as its just the beginning. But of course, don't entertain him too much.

About ur ex, some people believe its either be together or forget about being friends. Some ex don't get along with other. If you really want him back, have a meet up and open up ur feelings to him. But be prepared to be hurt for the last time in case he doesn't want a reconcilation. At the very least, you know how he felt towards u and the feeling of satisfaction is there. From there, move on. Forget about him. Delete him on FB or whatever. And most important, focus on ur studies. Don't let it affect u.

If u're back together, make the relationship work. Tell him nicely what u like and don't like. About his friends, u can't do anything. Boys will be boys. U just have to accept them BUT of course if they do anything wrong or a bad influence, help ur bf by pulling him away slowly.

Remember, relationship is about WE/US. Not about him or her ok darling?