Hi

I know, I know I have abandoned this blog of mine. Not that there are many emails requests, but I seem to be busy and this blog is getting lamer. So perhaps I might just cancel this blog! But many thanks to those who cared in the emails.

Aunty Bibik

You know lovely readers, when I get emails I will scan them each thoroughly and give my very honest opinion. It doesn't matter if they(the one who send the email) heed the advice or not, I just feel a sense of satisfaction when my words mean something. I also do not encourage them to listen to me, but to follow their brains and heart and make a wise decision.

Hence, do not be disappointed if your problem is not published immediately. A good advice and solution need to be thought carefully. :)

Aunty Bibik

"Just because somebody doesn't love you the way you want them to, doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have".

layout

I used to have a blog, and so since this is a new blog, I have no idea on how to change the template. I click on 'Layout' then 'Edit HTML' and paste other blog layout codes but then I got XTML what lah, this lah.

So any ideas on how to change the current blogger layout? Your favour is really appreciated!!!!

Email me at box.bibik@hotmail.com

Thanks lovely readers!

Good Morning!

Good morning lovely readers! I am wide awake now cause I am down with flu and sore throat. Yeah, what a day to start with. Anyway, let me start the day with another email shared from L.

dear Aunty Bibik,

A year ago, i broke up wid ma bf of 4 yrs. he claimed that dun love me anymore. i was indeed heartbroken bcos it was kinda sudden. in da mist of mending ma broken heart, i met a guy who is currently ma bf. i noe its kinda fast to jump into a r/s but i just did. i dunnoe whether i can love ma current bf cos i still do think & love ma ex bf. Me & ma ex bf do still contact with each other. he told me that he had to lie to me abt nt loving me anymore cos he still wanna enjoy life and his mats motor. he even told me that he love me more than anything else in da world & he believe that we will get back tgt wen he is ready. isnt it selfish? i cant simply just wait for him like that right? da thing abt ma current bf is that he has been waiting for me for 6yrs & nw he finally get me, he tend to be possessive. His family are so nice to me that make feel guilty cos they have high expections of me. They even asked me abt getting married! ideally, ma current bf make a gd bf, husband & father but i just cant have love him.

HELP ME PLEASE! What shud i do?

L

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Aunty Bibik - Honey, one of the reason u're still can't get over him is because u're still in contact with him. I don't think this guy is serious enough since he let go a 4 year r'ship cause he's still wanna enjoy. Couples enjoy together! My advice is just forget him. Men have this tendency to 'raise their head' because some girl are still waiting for them. And I do not want u to belong to that category. Simply said, if u do not want to be hurt, forget about him. He's a jerk.

Yes u take a step forward too soon. Ur current bf is possesive because he does not want to lose u again especially when he did 6 yrs ago. Again, u felt he's clingy because u're not used to him and also u're hoping u get back together with ur ex. If u're not ready for any commitment, just pack up and go. Nobody can force u. Just tell him that u're not ready for any r'ship and if he does not want to let u go, just say u still love ur x.

Love can be nurtured with time. Its only that u can't love him the way u love ur ex or vice versa. If u're willing to forget ur past and move on with ur current bf, ur feelings will slowly change. But do me a favour, cut off all contact with ur ex. It can take u a few years to love ur current bf, but at least u are free from ur x.

Follow ur instincts. Only u know the answer deep in ur heart.

heartbroken and confused.

A mail from one of our reader, F.

Dear Bibik,

i found your link somewhere and i really hope by emailing you my problems, it will somehow ease my mind.

it's been 24 days since my ex boyfriend and i broke up. we've been together for 1 year plus coming 2 year this august. let's just name him Y. we broke up cus i am lack of his attention as we have stop having late night calls and the usual meet ups. last time, we usually meet twice or thrice in a week but then after a certain incidents, we only met once in a week cus Y wanted to spend time with his friends. i am not that close to his friends, i just can't seem to interact with his friends. so the other time, he leave me a message telling for a separate ways so instead of begging him not to leave me, i said 'okay, we shall go separate ways..' and that point of time, i couldn't believe that i wasn't crying at all.

after the break up, we still do contact with each other through msn, message. then there was once we met. i cried, telling him that i think, that day will be our last meet up and i don't think we will be back together. at the same time, i am taking my O level this year and is afraid if i couldnt concentrate with my O's if there's relationship problems. so i told him to wait till i am done with my O's.

but during those times, i keep checking on his facebook and saw a him giving a girl comments and like sort of disturbing her which kind of make me jealous. i know, i am no one to him anymore just his history so i can't stop him from making friends with other girls. i was all sad and mad, i didn't want to entertain his chat and etc. so i told him that he have successfully make me jealous and that i do not want to continue contacting him cus the more i contact him, the more hurt i am. i tried to make myself busy by doing some revisions and meet my old friends.

when suddenly!! two guys wanted to date me. guy A, being so controlling. he keep forcing me to sms him and stop ignoring him and that i have to keep replying his sms. i hate being controlled. he likes to put blames on me like i only looked for him when i am sad. he said that i am using him when i am not. i want to treat him like a friend only not more than that. guy B, wants to date me but i am not ready to date anyone cus what if he suddenly have feelings for me and if i were to reject him, he will be hurt. i do not want to hurt anyone cus i know it sucks to be hurt.

right now, i felt so regret making the decision to stop contacting my ex boyfriend. i can't stop thinking of him. he is one in a million. he don't really control what i am doing. he is not irritating who likes to bug me or anything. Bibik, help me! what should i do now? i don't want to date anyone. i regret of making the decision to stop contacting my ex.

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Aunty Bibik - You know honey, SOME guys move on faster. And thinking that you didn't ask him to stay or try to make it work but instead just let it go, he's thinking u've given him the green light. Your problem seems similar to my best girl, and it took them 2 months to realise that they need each other.

When he is the one who initiate the break up, don't u think he doesn't want it to work out? Why didn't u guys have a good talk about whats been happening lately? When one on fire, one should be the water. You should ask him why he wants to break up. Unless of course u're not interested anymore then thats the reason why u didn't bother to stay.

I think you should move on and follow your guts. Don't be in a rush to find a replacement as it would hurt both parties. When making friends with the opposite sex, when u're realise he's abt to have feelings for u, quickly say u're not into r'ship. That shouldn't hurt as its just the beginning. But of course, don't entertain him too much.

About ur ex, some people believe its either be together or forget about being friends. Some ex don't get along with other. If you really want him back, have a meet up and open up ur feelings to him. But be prepared to be hurt for the last time in case he doesn't want a reconcilation. At the very least, you know how he felt towards u and the feeling of satisfaction is there. From there, move on. Forget about him. Delete him on FB or whatever. And most important, focus on ur studies. Don't let it affect u.

If u're back together, make the relationship work. Tell him nicely what u like and don't like. About his friends, u can't do anything. Boys will be boys. U just have to accept them BUT of course if they do anything wrong or a bad influence, help ur bf by pulling him away slowly.

Remember, relationship is about WE/US. Not about him or her ok darling?

16 and Pregnant

I received this short and simple email about a young teenager and hopefully it would be lesson learn for others out there.

Hello. I donno wat to say, but all I know is tat I am pregnant and I am juz 16. I donno wat to do. I am afraid my parents would find out. My bf left me and said tat its not his. What should I do? :(

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Aunty Bibik - My girl, YOU SHOULD SEEK HELP NOW! I am glad you came across this page but if you do not act now, you are going to lose out in the future. Forget about the boy now, tell your parents and ask them what you should do. Of course, be prepared to be scolded at, nagged at since you made a mistake, you have to face the music honey.

You have the right to decide if you want to keep the baby. But the main thing is to tell your parents now. You are going into a lost direction if you do not do anything now.

So dear readers, please practice safe sex, or premarital sex even better. Having a kid at a young age is not cool and easy. It will involves heartache, emotional turmoil, financial woes and even insanity.

Please use condom or contraceptives. For the really young ones, just focus on studies ok?

Me and My Friend

Wow, I am elated that in just a short period of time, I am beginning to receive emails and I sincerely love reading them. As much as I love to give advices and such, I am no angel. I am not a person who would try to wreck your relationships, marriages, families and friends. I give my advices honestly and in every way tries to mend the broken glass(es). I change the names of the senders or the person involve to protect confidentiality.

Some asked why the name Bibik? I am not a domestic worker, and no I am not trying to degrade them. It also do not have anything to do with me having nieces or nephews. But of course, I have nephew and nieces cousin's, so that counts ok?

So enough about me, next is a problem shared by E.

Dear Bibik

I am sorry if I have a lot of grammar errors. Truth is, I am not that well verse in English but I try my best ok? I saw ur link somewhere and thought I want to confide in you.

Here it goes.

Me and my friend, we got issues. She's such a great friend at first when I find out she is such a bitch. She is the type who is very quiet, selenge and selekeh. She's not good academically too. I am not trying to insult her but I just want you to portray what she is like. Me on other hand, smart, updated with new stuffs and definitely not selekeh.

So one day I decide to coach her with her studies and I am proud to say that she improved alot. And suddenly out of nowhere she asked me to do a makeover on her. I was happy because I love to do makeover on people, make them up and stuffs. But I was afraid it might change her.

Then we go shopping, changed her and do what all other girls do. And its sad to say that it boost her confidence tremendously that she became a bitch. She offer herself to men and didn't even bother if her numbers are passed around. She entertain them and when the guys got to see her, they ran away because she's not as pretty as she claims. And she would cry to me saying the guys dumped her and stuffs.

As I was straightforward, I told her straight to the face that she's like a bitch. I didn't like the way she is because I knew she will be taken advantage one day. She couldn't take what I had said, and burst into tears. Next day she ignored me.

I do not care if she ignored me because I know I do not want to be friends with a girl like that. But the thing that I am very, very angry about is she made rumours about me not being a virgin, being 'rollin', a loose women and anything that you could think of degrading a woman's pride. She also said that I am not a good friend to be with.

Seriously I do not know what to do as my reputation have already been destroyed. :'(.

E
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Aunty Bibik - Honey, I am glad you did not lash it out on her as it would mean you're stooping to her level. You need to talk to her again, and asked what's her problem for creating such stories. And if need to, you would bring it up to higher authorities.

By the way you type, it sounded to me that you're a nice girl by befriending with someone of lower capability. But just remember not to think you're higher than them as it would mean you being such a snob. Maybe the way you address her problems caused a misunderstanding in everything. Some girls will not take it if someone calls her a bitch. So for her its like karma.

There's 2 solutions to the problem. Its either you totally forget about her or try to mend the friendship. After all, you did a favour by boosting her confidence and academics in which she will need in future. You have made a vast difference in her life and she WILL know that forever. Its her loss of losing you as a friend. Friends who helped to boost the academics are rare nowadays.

And the other is for her to clear your name and sort it with you. You should have an open talk, not shoot it to her face ok?